Mean Girls

As a mother of daughters, I am well aware of the "hurts to come", and I would give anything to take them away, anything to ensure that my children never have to feel even one ounce of that pain, anything to bypass the tortures of girl friendships. But life is as it is, and I can only stand on the sidelines cheering them on. The last week of school before break was particularily difficult for our "tween". She came home from school a few days in a row distraught over what "she said I said that I never said". A tiff with a few of girls in her social group had O in near tears, but the "abandonment of her BFF" had sent our oldest daughter in a downward spiral of tween torment. My first reaction was to have her call her BFF and get to the truth of the matter. But I let her ride the wave of emotions until she was in a calmer state of mind. We looked at old pictures, updated my address book, and decided to check emails. O was dismayed to find an email from yet another friend that read: "O, I'm mad at you because you are mean to me." The flood of tears let loose, and the only consolation I could offer was my tattered sweatshirt sleeve. We talked about options. She could call this friend, tell her how her email made her feel, talk about the problem, and move on based on that conversation. She could ignore the email and go on with our weekend. Or she could email the friend back letting her know that she was sorry for whatever she may have said or done to hurt her friend's feelings and that she would never want to hurt that friend. O selected option 3 and gracefully typed an email. She felt great after that. O and her BFF made up that afternoon (which was inevitable as they are two peas in a pod). Then came the text message, from yet another girl friend to O's BFF: "The only reason I didn't come over and talk to you today was because you were with O." It was a stab deep in her heart, and she held nothing back. I held O later that night until she couldn't cry anymore. And we talked Girl Talk, about how ugly girls are to one another and how it's going to hurt like this many more times in her life. And then I did the best that I could do...I reminded O of all of the wonderful support she has around her from family to friends. Her daddy and I hugged her until she was tired of hugs and could smile again. It will still hurt tomorrow, and I'm hurting alongside of her. But she knows there is more sunshine to come.